Why the Things You Say About Yourself Are Keeping You Stuck

I want to tell you something that took me longer than I would like to admit to fully understand.

The pattern you keep returning to. The goal that never quite sticks. The version of yourself that feels perpetually just out of reach. There is a good chance the thing holding all of it in place is not your circumstances, your schedule, or even your discipline.

It is your mouth.

More specifically, it is the things you say about yourself when you are not paying attention. The offhand comments. The self-deprecating jokes. The casual little declarations you make a dozen times a day without ever stopping to consider what you are actually putting into the world.

I know because I did it too. For years.

The joke that is not really a joke

Here is a specific example from my own life that I almost did not include in this post because it felt too personal. But that is exactly why it belongs here.

I used to make jokes about my weight. The kind that were designed to show I was self-aware. Not delusional. Humble enough to laugh at myself before anyone else could.

And for a long time I did not connect those jokes to anything. They were just comments. Just humor. Just being real.

But over time I noticed something I could not explain away. When I talked about myself that way, even casually, even wrapped in a laugh, the thing I was joking about did not get better. It got more so.

It took me a while to understand why. And when I finally did, something shifted in me that I have not been able to un-know since.

The words were not just words. They were instructions. And something in me was following them faithfully.

What your subconscious does with what you say

Here is the thing about your subconscious mind that most people do not fully grasp.

Your subconscious cannot tell the difference between what is true and what you consistently tell it is true.

It does not evaluate. It does not fact check. It does not know the difference between a sincere declaration and something you said under your breath after you burned dinner. It records what it hears most often and treats that as operating truth. As the story of who you are and what is available to you.

So when you say, even once, even as a throwaway comment, I never follow through, or I am always broke, or I am terrible at this — your subconscious files it. Right alongside everything else you have ever consistently said about yourself.

And then it gets to work making your life consistent with that story.

"The tongue has the power of life and death."

Proverbs 18:21

This is not mystical. It is how the brain actually functions. The research on neuroplasticity confirms what Proverbs said long before any scientist got to it. I believed this before I ever saw a study about it. Something in me knew it was true from a young age. And when the science eventually caught up to what I had been carrying as personal conviction, I remember thinking — I knew it. I knew this before anyone gave it a name.

The specific trap most people fall into

Self-deprecating humor is the sneakiest version of this.

It feels like self-awareness. It feels like humility. It signals to the people around you that you are not taking yourself too seriously, that you can see your own flaws clearly, that you are in on the joke.

Every time you laugh about your inability to stick with something, you are reinforcing it as a fixed characteristic rather than a current condition.

Caren Gomes

Every time you joke about your body, your finances, your follow through, you are telling the deepest part of yourself that this is simply who you are. Not where you currently are. Who you are.

And the deepest part of you believes you.

This goes further than you might think

This principle does not just apply to habits and goals. It applies to your health too.

If you are dealing with a diagnosis, a condition, something your body is navigating right now — be careful about the language you wrap around it. There is a name for what is happening. That name does not have to become your identity.

The moment you start introducing it with the word my in front of it, you are filing it under who you are rather than what your body is currently working through. It is foreign to your body. Treat it that way.

I am not saying your words alone will cure anything. Please always seek proper medical advice. What I am saying is that the language you use around your health either gives your mind and body something to fight toward or it surrenders ground before the fight has even started.

Your body was beautifully and intentionally designed. It wants to fight for you. It is built for it. Give it words that match that.

So what do you actually do

This is not about forcing yourself to speak in fake positivity. It is not about pretending you are fine when you are not or performing optimism for an audience.

It is about learning the difference between honest acknowledgment and casual ownership of something you do not want.

The distinction worth knowing

Honest acknowledgment: This is where I am right now and I am working on it.

Casual ownership: This is just who I am.

One keeps the door open. The other closes it.

Before the words that work against you leave your lips, catch yourself. You do not have to replace them with something grand. You just have to stop giving the thing you want to change permission to stay by announcing it as permanent truth every time it comes up.

Your subconscious does not grade your sincerity. It tracks your consistency. What you say most often is what gets filed as real.

Try this for seven days

Pay attention to what you say about yourself this week. Not in the intentional moments. In the casual ones. The jokes. The sighs. The things you mutter when you make a mistake or look in the mirror or talk about money or your health or your follow through.

Just notice. Write it down if that helps.

The version of you that you are working toward is paying attention to every single word.

And then ask yourself honestly whether what you are saying is moving you toward the life you are building or anchoring you to the one you are trying to leave.

This is The Rewrite - because your story isn’t finished yet.